Movie sequels from Hell
Written by 
Aaron Springer on December 2, 2008
These are all movie sequels that Hollywood is rumored to at least have on the drawing board. Cower in fear!
-
Once was enoughKung Fu Panda 2
Marked for 2011, it’s slated to probably be the first in a long series of badly done sequels, ala Land Before Time, which was a cute movie, but by The Land Before Time XIII, that franchise is getting a bit long in the tooth. - Get Smart 2
Ya know, I like Get Smart as much as the next guy, and this movie will be funny, but Evan Almighty (same actor, another sequel) just didn’t do much for me. - The Lost Boys 3
Okay, so it was a TV show that sequeled into direct to DVD… Yeah, I hadn’t heard of it either before now. -
Escaped that one!
Lethal Weapon 5
It is common knowledge everywhere but Hollywood that when you make a sequel that does not include a core actor from the first movie, it will most likely be a flop. Making a sequel to a series of four movies that ran for about ten years, twelve years ago, and you don’t convince one of the two main actors to sign on… well, let’s just say the quality was dropped when they ended the franchise in 98. I doubt #5 will be anything worthwhile. - Bull Durham 2
This sounds like the love child of Grumpier Old Men and Field of Dreams, with everyone’s favorite gill breathing, arrow shooting mail carrier, Kevin Costner. Slated to be another “Hey, look at me! I’m Kevin Costner!” ego flick. -
Okay, drink!
The Break Up 2
My wife and I went to see the first movie when we were dating. It was pretty obvious that the crew was actually comprised of badly trained chimps high on crack, and the editing was no better. Need a drinking game? Get this from the library (no need to reward this schlock with a rental or, goodness forbid, buying this bomb) and take a swig every time you see a boom mike. You’ll be falling over drunk before the first half of the movie is over. If the sequel is as good, you might want to switch to water from the harder stuff or you might suffer liver collapse. - Wall Street 2
Considering the current collapse of our economic system due to the kind of greedy bastards portrayed in this film, a theme of sub-prime mortgages and congressional hearings might actually make this interesting. - Heathers 2
Yeah… no. -
Is this sheep dreaming of androids?
Blade Runner 2
One of my least favorite things in this world is when Hollywood produces a sequel to a movie based on a book that had no sequel. My annoyance at this is second to my annoyance at when Hollywood ignores the book’s sequel book. In this case, there was no sequel, and the original was a good film, but was made hard to follow because of weird editing. I am glad I read the book this was based on, or I’d be lost, as I suspect a sequel would be lost without a book to guide it. - X-men Origins: Magneto
I enjoy prequels, but why go backwards when you have the juicy Phoenix storyline just waiting there? - Ghost Rider 2
No, just, please, no, for the love of all that is holy. The first movie made me want to bleach my eyes. - Big Momma’s House 3
Not even if you paid me to watch it. Hack. - The Wedding Planner 2
The original story was as thin as tissue. It will take some fancy moves to make this even past the two star mark. - Mean Girls 2
Like Heathers, but with no killing. In other words, schlock in the first degree. - Scream 4
When your horror franchise has become the butt of spoof movies that most likely had better production values that the originals, it’s time to put the camera down. - Beverley Hills Cop 4
My guess is that Eddie Murphy is feeling like he has strayed too far from his roots. That may be, and a fourth Beverly Hills Cop might be fun. It’s going to take some phenomenal writing to pull it off, though. - Hairspray 2
It’s already a remake… do we need to do a sequel, too? - Harold & Kumar 3
Like the recently deceased Michael Criton, maybe it’s time for a different bit? - [Rec] 2
Sounds pretty much like 28 days later in a building. Would the sequel be 28 weeks later in a building. - Camp Rock 2
The first movie was Cinderella set to rock music… year, that movie shouldn’t have had a sequel, either. - 300 2
Wait, what? 300 was loosely based on an actual historical event. Um… King Leonidas died. The Spartans were defeated… not much more to tell. Maybe it’s a two hour apology for the badly retold garbage they put out before. - Saw 6
There are just so many times you can do the same crap before people give up and ignore you. - Final Destination 4
If only ‘Final’ really meant final. - TR2N
All I can say is that it better damn well have Bruce Boxleitner in it. - Road Trip 2
How many times can the same guy make the same mistake? - Naked Gun 4
Lessee… take none of the original actors, nor the director, nor pretty much anyone involved in the original work… Forget it. - Wild Hogs 2: Bachelor Ride
Yeah, City Slickers called, and they want their plot back. - Pirates of the Caribbean 4
Hopefully, it will have a plot this time. - Rambo 5
Didn’t they make jokes about this in the 80s? - I Am Legend 2
For those of you in the know, there was another ending to the first movie that was a lot closer to the movie it was based on, The Last Man on Earth. There was a deeper point to be made, and the redone ending completely missed it. A sequel would be another case of a sequel made from thin air. - National Treasure 3
Man, just reading the title made me wince. The first movie was fun, if far fetched, but it didn’t leave a lot of room for a sequel. I haven’t seen the second one yet, but I doubt with as shaky as #1 was that #2 is any better. - Indiana Jones 5
#4 ended the franchise for me, and the more I examined it, the less I liked it. A #5 would be adding insult to injury. - xXx 3
Plot summary: Things go boom. Again. - Under Siege 3
Steven Seagal is still alive? Imagine that… - Silent Hill 2
The first movie is based on a book based on a town. Yet, the sequel has no writer, no director, and no star. Yeah, that sounds good…
With all of the good books that have never been made into movies, why are they rehasing this crap?
| 2.7 (1 person) |
6 Responses to “Movie sequels from Hell”
I was on Yahoo and found your blog. Read a few of your other posts. Good work. I am looking forward to reading more from you in the future.
Tom Stanley
By Tom Stanley on Dec 2, 2008